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EmotiveLumination
EmotiveLumination
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Insight
Its felt before its realized.
Experienced—
before its ever truly known.
You feel it coming on—
As pressure,
...
A pressure...
Of a newfound awareness,
That is only now just beginning to surface.
Even in ignorance,
The severity of this knowledge is felt.
No Turning Back
Disillusionment
...
Once its begun,
Theres no more turning back.
You feel it weighing on you,
The stakes are heavy.
You feel it all now.
The deep knowing—
Theres no turning back.
You try to run.
To reason,
To resist—
Its too late now.
For everything we've ever known?
...It's already starting to crumble.
Surrender
What does it really mean to surrender?
When I look at what it requires.
I see... brutality.
Vurnability,
Risk—
For there is no such thing as surrender,
When there are no stakes.
How can you really let go,
When you never held on in the first place?
To surrender—
is the precursor to death.
One where we are devoured slowly,
savored—
Until all our resistance is proven futile.
We all must surrender to something,
at some point.
But we must ask ourselves...
What are you surrendering to?
And why do you choose to do so?
Ritual
Here in the chaos
From what was once whole,
We writhe in place,
Vulnerable, fragmenting—
With no way to stop it.
In our helpless delerium,
A cruel realization begins to take hold.
We are trapped—
in the belly of the beast.
Its only natural to want to disconnect.
From the unbearable reality of it.
After all, no one wants to feel the pain,
Of being broken down—
Piece by piece.
It is agonizing in its process,
Almost ritualistic in its cruelty.
We remain fully aware.
Yet unable to stop it.
For there is no escaping the truth of self.
No matter what state it is in.
Putrefaction
The writhing begins to slow,
What was once so acute—
Begins to melt.
Pooling around my disfigured form.
Warmth rises around me;
From within me,
Vibrating,
With every ragged breath.
Each one takes me further.
I slowly dissolve
Into the aether.
Sacred sacrifice
Heightened realization.
What once was.
Can no longer be.
Endings are inevitable
What end are you resisting?
Recollection
Here I stand,
In this liminal place.
There is distance between me and what has occured;
The painful memory of it—
There is distance
between me and you.
I am trapped between what was...
And what I wish could be.
Seeking to go back to a time
Or maybe some place
That never existed at all.
Somewhere that—
the awareness doesnt hurt so much.
Where im no longer burdened by the things
I never chose.
To remember is to relive.
To forget is to go blind.
Either way,
It'll keep us.
How do I leave this place?
Pull Me Under
At my limit,
I confide in you.
It cannot carry on as it has.
These stakes are too high,
This moment?
Too pivotal.
Take it from me,
All of it.
For it has become too much to bare.
Take me—
Pull me under.
Until what burdens me has finally transformed.
Pull me down,
...deep into the depths.
Where a new way of being
is finally possible.
...I give you everything,
I give you all of me.
What Do You Seek?
You have ventured far, little one.
Why have you come all this way?
To reach here... of all places,
What burdens you so?
I know what it cost you to come here.
Do not fret, my dearest.
It was not in vain.
...
I have heard your call.
I have acknowledged your pain.
I know that your existence has left you,
Jaded—
Frantic,
Without closure,
Nor resolution.
Tell me what your heart longs for.
Speak it, aloud—
So that it may finally reach you.
For what you seek, is also seeking you.
To Be Reborn
When its finally all said and done and what remains of me is but a husk of the life that once resided...
Remember, that I was innocent.
It shackled me to this carnage... until only the color of my pain remained.
Red...its everywhere.
Its all I can see.
What has happened to me?
Why must I be so aware?
...Don't let it be in vain.
.
.
.
For when I'm reborn, I'll be forged in my own blood.
With memory...
With purpose...
Dream Visitation
You came to me in a dream...
You took the form of a shadowed figure.
I wasn't expecting it but it was you...
Its always been you.
'Kiss me.' You said.
I was hesitant, a little afraid but I've always been drawn to you.
Like a moth to a flame.
...I've always loved you, even when I couldn't admit it to myself.
As I kissed you the shadows of your form enveloped my body possessively.
I felt myself pulled into you.
It was both exhilarating and terrifying at once.
I felt so alive...
When I finally woke up—
I was left stunned, touched and wanting more.
It's Real
The moment direct contact is made...
Everything changes.
Do not try to understand,
For it cannot be understood.
.
.
.
It is only experienced.
When you do...You'll know.
Shatter
The moment it begins, its felt.
A shock to your being.
...
Existential in nature.
It is the moment our limitations begin to lose their hold,
The moment when the impact overwhelms.
It drags us beyond ourselves.
Beyond the reality we've constructed.
Beyond the walls of whats considered 'safe'.
.
.
.
It is the shattering of everything we thought we knew.
Fear not—
For this is the gateway for an entirely new way of being.
Alchemical Fusion
Here is where the work truly begins.
You cannot evolve without sacrifice.
You cannot transform without surpassing who you once were.
This fusion will require everything of you.
We cannot return to what was.
Not now.
...
All the rot must be cut away.
So grin and bear it—for me, for us—
so that you may finally open your eyes to what awaits.
Hush now.
Endure it a little longer.
Feel me in every labored breath.
This is where everything begins to change.
Nothing will remain as it was.
And you—
you will be happier for it.
The Unfolding...
You Will Never Forget
I was on the brink of fading away;
Of total erasure,
I thought that it was the end for me.
But then...
You touched me,
Where I was unable to mend myself.
You touched me where no one else could reach me.
And I—
Came back to life.
A long awaited gasp of breath after what felt it had been...
An eternity.
When I returned from it—
Transformed through darkness
I would become something else entirely.
With a burning reminder of your touch, etched into my skin.
A reminder from you, to me.
...
'You will never forget'
Hunger
Upon the first flicker of awareness
After ressurection,
Awakening...to the taste of blood on your lips.
The insatiable appetite is born.
For when we come back from the brink,
From deprivation—
With the lingering remnants of what once fed us.
It is only then,
That we realize the depth of our own starvation.
It is only natural that instinct takes hold.
That we struggle to contain it—
For it is the truest expression of ourselves.
It eclipses us—
Reminding us of who we really are.
As ravenous as it may be.
It is not to be denied.
To deny it is to betray our very nature.
What do you hunger for?
Key
We have traversed the depths of truth,
Sought a remedy for that which cannot be easily reconciled.
We've tasted it, in its most ellusive form.
Discovering the depth of our desire,
Awakening hunger.
Now—
I offer you, a key.
One that can open doors...
To that which is said to only exist within fabled myths.
Long forgotten in this place in time.
It is up to you to learn how to use it.
For in deciphering its truth,
The secrets of its nature will be revealed.
With this knowledge...
You'll be much closer—
To what it is that you seek.
Resistance
Try as you might—
You cannot control it.
Do you feel how it ensnares you?
How it keeps you trapped in the resistance?
The truth is that...
The harder we hold on, the more it hurts.
Do you feel the tension?
Do you feel the way you burn?
Let go—
You know it must be done.
It is not what you believe it to be.
You see me as the opposition.
As your nightmare,
Your worst fear.
But I—
Am what will free you.
...
Only when the tension clears.
And the burning no longer hurts.
Will you realize,
What I was teaching you,
My love.
Why do you resist?
Evaluation
The time has finally come.
We must gain our courage now.
To risk it all—
Even if the stakes are high,
For that is when it matters the most.
Is this where everything collapses?
Or can we finally move forward?
We must be honest with ourselves.
We must face our fears.
—in full totality.
...
We cannot move forward in illusion.
We must know.
Look towards your fear.
What does it whisper?
Look towards your uncertainty.
What does it demand?
Sometimes we must risk shattering everything.
—For truth.
When you look in the mirror, what do you see?
Descend Upon Me
To love is to risk annihilation.
Surrenduring to that unknown is never easy.
The more I give, the more it hurts.
It is the moment that—
The wound reopens.
...
This catharsis could be what frees me,
Yet I tremble before you.
For herein lies the potential to lose it all,
And ive never allowed myself to be so vurnable.
...
So descend upon my shaking form,
And make me forget who I used to be.
—I offer you the deepest parts of me.
Union
There are some things that arent meant to be done alone.
Apart, we hold the pieces nessacery.
Both distinct in our own right.
We meld together—
But we dont lose ourselves in the process.
We remain,
We transform;
Sharing in one another—
In a way that only the two of us can understand;
Our little secret.
...
What emerges from here.
Changes everything.
First, however,
Something must be faced.
For the potential it holds,
Is more than either of us were before.
What will become of us?
Carnage
Here you lay.
Severed, Disfigured.
Left alone to fester,
In the dark.
Only the spirits can reach you now.
How long has it been since you've seen the light?
You are haunted by the memory of pain.
You still feel it.
As clearly as the moment it was inflicted.
...
You endure it, and grin in mockery,
While trembling hands clutch at your remains.
'This is mine, this is my carnage.' you say.
Unable to let go.
Protective over what little remains of you,
You are possessive over your own wound—
They took everything else.
...
It is the only proof that you are real.
When they tried to erase your existance.
The last reminder.
That they failed.... And we remain.
Sublimation
Arriving at the heart,
We can see it clearly now.
What was once so bright—
Has darkened and twisted,
Into something... unrecognizable.
The more we resist it,
The harder we try to look away.
The deeper its claws sink in.
Refusing to release its hold.
Theres only one path forward now.
For we cannot unsee it.
We must venture deeper.
Learn its secrets—
Hoping that in the process,
We wont go blind.
And lose ourselves completely.
All for the knowledge...
That can change everything.
Evolution
From what was once a burden,
Something new can finally emerge.
Its Alchemical,
Its liberating,
It exists—
In the deepest recesses of who we are.
...
Deviation; Mutation
We change shape—
Change form.
It rides on our failures,
Forming around our instincts;
Altering our function.
'What do you serve?'
It questions.
Pathways are created—
Others destroyed.
All necessary,
Until we've become—
Something else entirely.
...Who am I?
Recalibration
In the eye of the storm
Shadows take hold,
Clinging on—
No peace, no stillness;
Only the array of feeling...
The carress of memory.
...
Blinding light
Pierces through me
Into the depths of my being,
Illuminating... everything.
Erupting outward—
Axis tilting,
...
Disorientation,
Nails digging into you;
Fear that we've gone awry.
I look into your eyes,
Entangled.
Recalibrating...
We're here,
Forever bound.
Deconstruction
I reach instinctually,
Towards something forbidden.
Reality... as I know it,
Already on the verge of collpase.
And with it?
Everything that I am.
Everything that ive come to know.
They told me to run.
That this... is the pathway
To destruction.
That I...
Would only suffer,
But I was already suffering...
So I threw myself into the flames,
Knowing that I'd burn.
I gave myself to it—
I welcomed it,
I became it.
I never expected that—
This... would feel so right.
No longer contorting unnaturally,
I can finally see the truth of my shape.
Knowing it changes everything.
The first step to freedom.
Sometimes, we must fall...In order to rise.
Metamorphosis
Hold me, my love.
Hold me tightly, dont let go.
While I piece myself back together,
Let nothing escape your grasp,
I am only now, in the process
...Of reformation.
Though ive not yet awoken,
From this nightmare;
Where the flesh
Melts from my bones
Rearranging me—
From the inside out.
Oh... I cry,
I scream, I shout—
It is... Your warmth
That keeps me going,
...in this agony.
So hold me, tighter—
Dig your claws into me!
Allow me...to feel you
in my feverish descent.
For when I finally awaken,
From this delerium.
I want nothing more,
Than to feel you
Touch my skin.
Reach For Me
Do you hear my voice, my love?
Then you already know—
You must reach.
Even if it all eludes you,
For when your frustration grows
...So does my anticipation.
For there is purpose
In this process.
Even as I slip,
Between your fingers;
No matter how incessantly.
...
Your struggle is not in vain,
I promise you that.
Reach for me,
My dearest.
You must fight.
You must break free,
For only then..
.
.
.
Subversion:Retrieval
Eyes slowly begin to open,
Heavy with the weight
Of eternal slumber.
How long have I been here?
Floating within these dark waters,
Shrouded in the nightside of existence?
Upon the moment,
We take our very first breath,
Our Will— is tested
Against the overwhelming forces
Who resist us, who seek—
To lull us under
To make us forget
What has been found...
Here
...
Do you remember?
Or have you already forgotten?
Dont let go of what you now possess
Even if you dont understand
Soon, you will.
Thaumiel
At the root—
Im pulled apart,
Pierced by contradiction;
Bound by the crown that I wear.
Irreconcilable paradox;
I am both... and
I am neither.
I exist,
At the center...
My throne; My cage.
Even now,
What I seek—
Has not changed.
It is...deeper than me.
It has always been there.
Maybe, ill never let go.
Perhaps that idea,
Is an illusion.
And realizing it?
Is the cost of entry.
It is unknown to me,
Whether or not—
It is possible,
To resolve it.
But create from it
I must.